What reflections are you thinking about this international Youth Day? What do you wish you had known when you were younger?
I’ve written a letter to myself before on this blog as part of my #10 Days of Recovery series. Although I touched on a lot of things in that which I personally wish I’d known when I was younger, there are some other reflections which have recently come to mind.
When we’re young, we tend not to think about the bigger picture. We’re busy running around, getting good grades and just exploring who we are. Sadly that can mean a lot of us spent our teenage years, or even childhood, in a constant state of worry and stress.
I don’t know who first came up with the above quote, but it’s something I always remember my mother-in-law coming out with. She’s right, of course. Our lives are short, our time on this earth is fleeting and we should be doing everything we can to enjoy it while we still can.
I think about my grandmother and grandfather, and how time as running out. For my grandmother, it was after 87 long and happy years, however for my grandfather it as all too soon.
If I stood face to face with my younger self now I would remind her of the fact that people aren’t going to be around forever, and nor am I. My life is my own, it’s what I want to make of it, and I should enjoy myself to the full while I still can. Fuck anorexia, fuck depression; Go out, spend time with the people you love and eat a God-damned burger!
Money’s nice, but it’s not your only purpose in life. Let’s be honest, when I go it’ll still be here. All those hours you spent in a stressful job, ruining your own health with poor coping strategies and high cortisol levels aren’t worth it just for the six-figure sum.
I’ve never heard a truer quote than this one! What’s the point in living if all you’re living for is to make money, pay a mortgage and save, save, save!?
Spend it on the things you want. Take a vacation without counting the pennies and buy that new car!
I used to do yoga when I was a teenager and even into my early twenties, but I never stuck with it long. Each time I tried, I would get distracted by something or I couldn’t lend myself the time to actually complete a full workout. As for meditation, it was something I’d tried for five minutes before giving up because it wasn’t working.
What I didn’t realise was that both yoga and mediation take time. They require patience and consistency in order to feel the full, required effect.
I grew up worried about what other people would think of me. Although I never tried to fit in, I was still very anxious about others looking at me, or talking about me. I needed everyone to like me; I was really nice, so why didn’t they like me?
The truth is that I can’t make everyone like me. No matter how hard I try! It’s just impossible. Therefore I dub 2019 the year that I stop giving a fuck. I’ve lost too much this year in too many ways to care about the opinions of others.
We all have problems believing in ourselves at some point in our lives, but for me, that’s been my whole life. I’ve never had any self-confidence and struggle to make big decisions by myself for fear that I’ll mess up.
While adopting my new mindset and trying to rebuild my life, I’m quickly discovering that this point is one of the most important on this list for me.
It’s a long hard road. Like everything, it doesn’t happen over night and at my age it’s daunting to suddenly develop this belief in my ability to succeed. If I had started when I was younger then maybe it wouldn’t be this hard.
There is no one way to start believing in yourself and your own ability in life. No one size fits all, and the road is often walked alone, with only friends and family offering help along the way.
Although I may not always agree with everyone, I always have compassion. I don’t know if it’s always been there as a default but it’s certainly something I’ve been developing lately.
When I first stepped foot into my previous job I told myself “Don’t lose yourself, don’t become hard and skeptic.” But it was nearly impossible not to harden yourself or second guess people in a job that constantly demanded that you had to.
I walked into that job with purpose, excitement, a feminist agenda, and a positive mind. Not two years later I walked out feeling the opposite. Not only had I become a shell of myself, but I had fallen victim to the pessimistic, skeptical, very judgemental mindset that came along with the job.
It took me a while to start building the walls that had come crashing down, but with them I started to build upon my compassion; Not just for others, but for myself too.
It’s important to have compassion for everyone you meet because you have no idea what’s going on in someone else’s personal life.
Be assertive in life but not aggressive. Strong women were not made by shying away from louder, more extroverted people. Don’t be afraid of your voice or of your ability to say NO.
I’ve had issues with standing up to myself for years, however it was only as I became an adult that I realised it was an issue. It’s caused me to spend hours worrying about meetings, feel sick with panic when asked to challenge someone about their behaviour, and it’s even meant I’ve been the victim of many toxic friendships.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with standing up for yourself in a safe, assertive and non violent manor.
Death is the only certain thing in life. Whether you have a mansion by aged 30 or over a million in your bank account by 60 is irrelevant.
You can get married whenever you want, buy a house when you want and have kids when or if you want. There’s no set map or guidelines for how you should live your life.
Stop trying to follow the crowd. Who cares if so-and-so is married with two beautiful kids? You’re not, but you know what, you’re doing okay considering. You’ve got a house, you’ve got a cat and a wonderful boyfriend. That’s enough for now and a lot more than some other people have.
You can do what ever you want in life at your own pace.
It’s very easy to get caught up in life. We can easily become stuck in our own minds, wearing the ‘blinkers’ of negative thinking and ignoring all the good in our lives. Giving our own problems power only serves in making them seem bigger than they actually are. As you get older this sort of thinking can shift, but as a teenager, it certainly feels like the end of the world!
Take a step back. Stop and smell the coffee. Enjoy the scenic route; However you want to say it. Just take some time out to re-evaluate your life and get things into perspective.
Your problems will begin to shrink, solutions will begin to crawl out of the cracks and suddenly, our problems might not seem so big anymore!
It’s okay to struggle. Don’t hide from it; Learn from it! Life is full of experiences and in order to lead a full life, you need to be able to brace yourself for everything that’s coming. Learning from our suffering can better prepare us for harder times to come.
Through suffering, we are given the opportunity to adopt new, healthy coping skills, help others by sharing our experiences and add to our personal development.
What are your reflections for international youth day? Are there some things you want to tell your younger self about life, love and beyond? I would love to read your suggestions in the comments below or, alternatively, on my socials.
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Hi Nykie,
I love your list of reflections especially What other people think is none of your business, this is truly something that can save us so much heartache and problems. They are excellent learning life tips. I wish I would have known about alternative medicine and mindfulness long before I did it could have save me many problems. Thanks for sharing!
I often beat myself for how long it took me to start seeing my worth as a person, but I'm glad I've learned it now and I'm able to grow from it.
Thank you for stopping by and reading :)
I do wish i learned to stand up for myself a lot earlier. Then I wouldn't have suffered so much in a toxic work environment. I also wish I had had some self-compassion.. that one took a lot of time as well.
My stories not unsimilar to yours in regards to not standing up for myself and therefore falling victim to certain toxic people in various workplaces. I tend to be the doormat and the 'yes' man just to avoid conflict.
Yes, not a good situation at all
This is such an amazing list of lessons learned. As we grow older, as we go through trials, triumphs and all the experiences in between - this is where wisdom is born.
Exactly! And with each year, from now on, I vow to get wiser and learn more than the last!
I absolutely love this post! I, too, have learned a lot of these over the years. I need to spend more time on doing yoga and being more mindful for sure. Thank you for the reminder.
Mariam
bossbabechroniclesblog.com
Thank you for stopping in and reading! I really appreciate it.
This is a really nice list. Super thought out and very true. I think that we get so caught up in trying to keep up with everyone around us that we lose sight of the more important things. Being in the moment and present. Taking care of ourselves and having compassion for ourselves will help us to have compassion and help us give more to those we love and who we are on a mission to help! :)
Thank you for this comment, and thank you for stopping by and reading in the first place!
Number 4 is the one I struggle with the most! I want to get back to a place of not caring about others' interpretations and thoughts about me. I think this is a reflection of what my fears are about myself and what I fear I'm coming across as (stupid, ugly, immature, whatever). Love your blog!!
Thank you so much for stopping by! I'm so pleased that you're enjoying the blog. I hope it was helpful for you. xx
I agree with with everything you said. But what resonated with me was about standing up for myself. I allowed people to use me as a kid. But when I become an adult I realized how toxic they were. I cut them out of my life and I really don't care if they are upset because I know they haven't change.
I am still learning who needs to be cut out and who needs to be simply stood up to. I tend to isolate myself to prevent having to deal with it in the first place though.
I especially resonated with #4, 8, and 9!
I'd definitely tell younger Anna that most people are more focused on themselves and worrying about what others think of THEM rather than focusing on me. I'd also show myself that a lot of the things I worried about weren't even that big of a deal.
That's what my partner always tells me; Everyone is more interested in themselves. I have to keep reminding myself of that when I get overly anxious.
Thank you for popping in and reading :)
Great post! I wrote a similar post on this topic and one of the most profound things for me has been time. Understanding how it works and learning to live in the moment.
Awesome - I'll have to give that a read! Thank you for reading my post :D
Great post! I can relate to a lot of them on this lift but my favourites have to be 4,5 and , I really could have done with knowing these much sooner!
Thank you for reading :D