5 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotage!

When it comes to tips on how to stop self-sabotage, I never thought I’d be on the ‘teaching’ end. I’ve suffered from crippling self-sabotage for a number of years, if not the entirety of my life.

When it comes to tips on how to stop self-sabotage, I never thought I’d be on the ‘teaching‘ end. I’ve suffered from crippling self-sabotage for a number of years, if not the entirety of my life. But recently I realised that not only was there a name for my behaviour, but that it’s extremely common.

If you find yourself stuck in a rut, unable to move forward in life due to internalised fears, then this is the perfect article for you!

What is self sabotage and why do we do it?

Self-sabotage occurs when you’re persistently standing in the way of your true self and your goals. We’re all guilty, whether we recognise it or not.  Almost everyone has taken part in self-sabotaging behaviour both actively or passively, and it can impact many areas of our lives.

  • Your relationships might be impacted.
  • Careers might be stunted or even ruined.
  • Your family life can be deeply affected.
  • You might lack direction or drive in your education.

Although it’s not overly harmful in small doses, it will create significant problems when you constantly turn to self-sabotaging behaviour instead of moving forward.

Some of the most common self-sabotaging behaviours can be found in the following.

Procrastinating or always ‘starting tomorrow.’ 

We’ve all done it. Instead of starting here and now, we put it off until tomorrow or next week, or next year. Why? Sometimes it can be for genuine reasons such as not having the supplies or knowledge. But for some of us, it’s become a way for us to dawdle on projects until the last minute. I’ve watched it happen many times before both in the workplace and in university. There have been countless occasions when I’ve received an assignment and instead of tackling it straight away, I let it sit until the day before.  Then the panic would set in and I would pull an ‘allnighter’ just to piece something presentable together. Although it worked, the chances are that I could have handed in something of a much better quality had I started it weeks ago.

Letting perfectionism take over. 

I’m a self-proclaimed perfectionist! I constantly find myself waiting for the right time or I believe I need to perfect my skills more before moving forward. Most commonly my perfectionism stops me from getting anywhere because it’s never, ever going to be good enough to satisfy the pernickety beast. If I can’t do it perfectly, then why at all, right? But I’m slowly teaching myself that ‘perfect’ isn’t possible and by chasing it I’m taking part in self-sabotage.

Negative self-talk or self-deprecation.

Are you living with a constantly critical inner gremlin? Do you chastise yourself for past mistakes or things you’ve said? Are you picking apart everything you do right down to the bare bones? Our inner monologue has a lot to do with self-worth and confidence. The more we talk down to ourselves and let the negative voice win, the less likely we are to progress in life. We stand in our own way by telling ourselves that we’ll never be good enough or it’ll never work out. I’ve personally struggled with this for years and it’s only now that I’m beginning to realise that how I talk to myself plays a big part in my confidence and actions. Therefore we all need to learn to speak to ourselves better and to cut ourselves some slack. We’re only human after all. 

Image from Giulia Bertelli.

How self-sabotage damages our self-image.

By constantly giving in to negative self-talk or procrastination, we begin to see a decline in our self-confidence, self-esteem, and beliefs. We’re afraid of or constantly failing to go for that promotion or that new relationship. So, we never manage to move forward. The result? We’re left feeling perpetually stuck in a cycle of sabotage and low self-worth.

The reason behind this behaviour is often thought to be down to low self-worth, internalised impostor syndrome, or fear of both success and failure. There are many reasons we self-sabotage and they might be different for everyone. The important thing to know is that once we acknowledge this behaviour and the possible underlying cause, we can set the wheels of change into motion. 

But how do I know if I’m self-sabotaging?

Are you a chronic procrastinator, always leaving things until the last possible second? What about relationships? Do you find yourself jumping ship when things start to get serious? These are only a few of the questions you should be asking yourself to determine your position on the self-sabotage scale. Remember that you mightn’t necessarily be aware of some of these traits and if you really want to know the truth, ask someone you trust for their opinion. Other people quite often pick up on things about our personalities that we might not necessarily think about. 

Five Ways you can stop self-sabotage.

It can be difficult to first pay attention to and then try to stop self-sabotage. Often it’s something that takes years and we need to have patience and persistence if we’re really serious about change. Here are just a few of the steps you can take to stop self-sabotage for good! This is not a definitive list and there are many other ways we can start to make changes, however, these three should give you the foundations you need to get going. 

 1. Take time to learn about what self-sabotage is and acknowledge your own actions.

By reading this article you’ve already taken the first steps to overcome self-sabotage. Much like any recovery, we must first understand the issue and then admit that we have a problem before we can begin to move forward.

2. Call yourself out on damaging behaviours.

Although it can be difficult to catch ourselves in the act, it’s something we need to watch out for if we’re ever to change. Other trusted friends and family can help you with this if your actions are external, but all the internal work is down to you. When the negative voice in your head pipes up, quickly shut it down. Ask yourself why are you feeling like this? And replace the negative with something positive instead.

eg “I won’t bother applying for that promotion. I’ll only mess it up anyway” should become, “I’ll apply and see what happens. If I get it I can always learn as I go. No one’s born perfect!” 

3. Challenge the negative voice and encourage your positive voice to shine brighter.

Be your own cheerleader! Don’t be afraid to congratulate yourself on your achievements, or talk yourself up for that promotion. Even when the negative voices come knocking, push them back.

“That’s not true. You’re being self-deprecating/irrational/self-defeating.”  

I’ve used this very phrase with myself on countless occasions and I continue to every time the negative voice enters my head. As time goes on you may find that your response becomes automatic, as if your brain is hot-wired to fight back!  Remember, it takes practice and positive self-talk is a marathon, not a sprint. You will get there but after a lifetime of self-sabotage, recovery will take time.

4. Make small changes.

While it’s normal to want to change things right away, often change takes time. Small changes to our daily habits can go a long way if we put in the effort to remain consistent. They say it can take on average up to sixty-six days for habits to become ingrained in our minds. So, when it comes to beating the self-doubt demons, we need to consistently fight back with positive, affirming thoughts and behaviours.

Start making small changes that will benefit the self-assuring voice now and keep going! Soon these positive habits and affirmations will shine far brighter than the negative.

5. Embrace your strengths.

We all have different attributes, both positive and negative. It can be easy to focus on our negative attributes more than anything else. Especially if you’ve grown up listening to and believing your inner saboteur. If you’re struggling to get to grips with your strengths, take some time to write them down. Ask a friend or a loved one for help as often others can see in us what we can’t.

Image from Mathieu Stern

Have you any other ways to combat self-sabotage?

Share your own techniques and tips in the comments below! I’d love to learn new ways to fight my self-sabotage demon, and I’m sure my readers would too!

Remember, like many things, you won’t see the benefits of change immediately! It takes persistence and consistency to make changes stick. And even more so to eliminate unhealthy behaviours


  1. God, I think we’re al guilty of this to some degree and it doesn’t hurt anyone but ourselves! It’s so important to notice when you’re self-sabotaging, so you can either stop it in its tracks or act accordingly.

  2. I’m so guilty of this. I usually do it by going into something at 100 miles an hour and burning out. I just need to chill out and be more realistic, I either have too much motivation or none haha.

    Corinne x

  3. These are such good tips! I’ve been in a funk recently and really needed this! There are so many times I don’t realize i’m sabotaging myself.

  4. Self-sabotage is something I have struggled with as baggage from a dysfunctional childhood…this was such a great post to read and really resonated with me! Making small changes and taking small steps really does help….we are all works in progress! 🙂

  5. I like your advice to make small changes to stop self-sabotage. Hopefully I can start putting this into practice and improve self-sabotage. Thanks for your advice!

  6. I must admit I’m guilty of letting perfectionism take over. It can really slow down the process of completing a project which can be frustrating. It’s a slow process to get yourself out of constantly aiming for perfection.

  7. We all self-sabotage at some point in our lives and you provided some helpful tips to challenge that. Thanks for sharing

  8. I only recently realise that I tend to negative self talk. I have to call myself out on that and be more mindful about the words I say to myself.

  9. This is so real. I know someone very capable who always quits or self-sabotages in some way right before he is going to be successful. I hate to see it.

  10. A very interesting topic. Now that I think of it, I am sabotaging myself in my spiritual progress as well as my professional.

  11. This is what is hampering my growth as a person. I always procrastinate. I frequently compare myself with my sisters who are both fair skinned, tall and pretty. (I have brown skin, average height and plain looking). I should focus on my strengths and learn to build up my confidence. Thanks for sharing your tips on how I can stop self sabotage!

  12. Knowing yourself is a big step in stoping this. It is important to learn your triggers and identify your self-sabotaging behaviors so you know how to deal with them.

  13. We’ve all been there. Self sabotage is something I want to if not eliminate, lessen. Ive been there, buying a gym membership but then canceling on the last minute. Sometimes I feel like trapped in these patterns. So, thank you for these helpful tips.

  14. Interesting and eye-opening read on self-sabotage. I think many of us don’t realize we are doing this and how detrimental it is to our lives. Thanks for the tips to help overcome this habit.

  15. I’ve had a negative self-talk before and it’s awful I’m trying my best to fight and stop it because it affects my life. Thank you for these tips and ways,

  16. Starting tomorrow is one of my biggest problems. Thank you for the useful tips, I’ll try to incorporate them into my daily task. And I hope all my yearly goals will come true.

  17. Your article on self-sabotage is a great resource for anyone struggling with this issue. I appreciated the actionable tips and personal anecdotes that made it easy to relate to.

  18. I am so guilty of self-sabotage. I think it stems from being insecure and having self-doubt. I really appreciate your suggestions to help stop self-sabotage – I am working on it!

  19. I am such a perfectionist, and I know it. It does hold me back sometimes but I’ve been working on letting little things go to see the bigger picture.

  20. I certainly can relate to self-sabotage. I’m one to second guess and put off things out of worry or fear. I appreciate your tips on how to stop self-sabotage – they are great and truly helpful!

  21. I am a huge procrastinator and as you can see, even my blog posts reflect that when it’s written a month or even a year after the fact! But I have been a bit more conscious about trying harder and giving myself grace for when I do get things done even if it’s late. Definitely a work in progress!

  22. I never really considered procrastination or negative self talk als self-sabotage. This has been a great eye-opener. Thanks for sharing these tips. I will have to do better.

  23. Thoughtful and informative post. I tried distraction of baking, making small changes, and talking to friends to stop self-sabotage. Cheerleading yourself is also a great idea. 🙂

  24. Ah! This is such a real thing for me. I definitely procrastinate on things, which isn’t ideal!

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