It’s time to start taking back control in 2023! If you feel bad about saying no or advocating for yourself then this is the article for you!
Do you struggle with feeling guilty? Or do you say ‘I’m sorry‘ so much that it loses all meaning? You’re not alone. I struggle with the ability to put myself first without feeling bad about it. But here on Nyxie’s Nook, we’re all about growth, change and being kind to ourselves. One thing I’ve learned that certainly isn’t being nice to ourselves is feeling bad about our personal choices.
Whether it’s choosing to stay in at the weekend or something deeper like cutting off a toxic friend, it’s important that you own those choices without being made to feel bad about them. We can have enough external pressures put on us without adding to them with our own internal guilt.
While there are many things you shouldn’t feel bad about in life, here are just five to get you thinking.
5 Things not to feel bad about in 2023.
Never feel bad for saying NO.
Here’s the thing, even after years of practising putting myself first, I still struggle to say no. No to an extra shift, no to an extra article; No to anything that might let someone else down. Being assertive was never my strong point. I’m a recovering people pleaser who has a knack for helping others. And while being there for others makes me feel good, we all have our limits.
If you’re beginning to feel walked over or taken advantage of, then it’s high time you said no. No, I don’t want that extra shift in work for no other reason other than I don’t have to. Or no I don’t want to visit because it put pressure on my own schedule.
No is often painted as a dirty word, especially for a people pleaser. But quite often it means taking back control and putting your priorities first!
Stop feeling bad for treating yourself.
Let’s face it, life would be pretty boring if we didn’t treat ourselves. And it doesn’t have to be expensive and extravagant! Treating yourself can be as simple as taking a warm bath, or having a movie night with your significant other. It’s okay to spend both time and money on yourself, for yourself.
If you do feel like treating yourself do so according to your budget. While I do advocate for treating yourself without guilt, I do also feel obligated to stress the importance of living within your means. There’s no sense in buying an expensive gaming console or handbag if you’re struggling to buy groceries. Instead, think of small inexpensive, or even free things you can do for yourself.
Never feel bad for standing your ground.
There’s a stark difference between being aggressive and being assertive. You can stand your ground without being a jerk! I’ve struggled with the concept of being assertive, and I’ll probably always find it difficult. Standing up for myself has always felt awkward and, as a result, I’ve sat on my anger and frustration.
Stop feeling bad for not pleasing EVERYONE.
As a recovering people-pleaser, I can attest to how difficult it can be on your mental health. We’re known for doing whatever it takes to make other people happy. Our boss, our parents, our spouses, our friends; even strangers! While it’s important to help others, going too far can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted.
People-pleasers are known for putting the needs of others higher than their own. We’re often seen as agreeable, helpful, and, in some cases, ‘mothering.’ But we often find it difficult to advocate for ourselves and our own needs which can lead to self-neglect.
It can be difficult to break away from this behaviour. But the bottom line is that you can’t please everyone all the time. So, the next time you start to feel bad for not pleasing someone, remember that you’re not responsible for their happiness. You’re your own person and your needs are just as valid as anyone else’s.
Don’t, above all else, feel bad for your life choices!
This one is something I hold dear to my heart. In a world where so many of us seem to follow the same generic path, it can be hard when you find yourself outside the norm. Quite often we can feel judged for not having a partner, not having children, not going to university, and not following a clear career path. But in reality, life would be very boring if we all followed the same road.
My husband and I have long since made the decision that we don’t want children. At least not biologically. If we find ourselves in the position that we want later in life, we’ll adopt it. But a variety of circumstances have brought us to the conclusion that they just aren’t for us. Yet, so many people in my life tell me that I would make a great mother and that I’ll change my mind. I’m thirty and if I haven’t changed my mind by now, then I doubt I ever will.
There was a time when we thought we wanted children. But it turns out we were just trying to take what we thought was the logical next step in our relationship. We’ve since established that there are so many next steps you can take that don’t involve children. We could travel, adopt more animals, move house, start a business, and find new hobbies; The possibilities are endless!
Next time you feel bad for not following the path you’re expected to, remember that it’s your life. And how you live it is your business.
Can you think of anything else you shouldn’t be made feel bad about?
It can be something as small as what you ate for lunch or as big as your choice not to get married! Share your experiences and advice in the comments below!