Confessions Of A Blogger.

In another edition of ‘ask the blogger,‘ I’ll be doing just that.

We don’t always have to talk about mental health. Sometimes it’s just nice to answer some questions and let you guys come up with your own surrounding narrative. Especially during the current pandemic.

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Confessions Of a Blogger.

1. Do you have any nicknames?

Nyxie is the nickname given to me by friends during my teen years. Nyx is the Greek Goddess of darkness or the night, and my emo self obviously loved the idea of being named after her. Even if it was just a nickname.

Weirdly enough as a practicing pagan Nyx isn’t even my matron. Instead, I have Bastet and Skaði. I’m not even mad though.

2. Have you ever cried from watching a TV show or a movie?

I go through phases of being emotional. If it involves the death of an old person, baby or animal then I’ll usually cry myself to sleep. But this really depends on where I’m at emotionally and mentally. Sometimes all my emotions are blocked off, and other times they’re on a show for the world to see.

3. What would you do with one hundred million pounds?

• Pay off my mortgage.
• Buy my partner a new car.
• Save a good portion of it: Half of my saved portion would be invested, while the other half would gain interest. This means I have a pool left over to help with unexpected bills, not only my own family but my best friend and extended family.
• Pay off my best friend’s and his partner’s debts.
• Buy my best friend his house outright.
• I’d book a vacation to Japan.

4. If you could have someone else’s life for one day, who would it be and why?

Does my cat count? I’d love to spend the day chilling out and hissing at my reluctant sibling. Or I would spend the day as my other cat and experience what it’s like to be an endless ball of energy.

5. How many romantic partners do you think you will end up having between now and the end of your life?

Just my partner. I know that we can never predict what’s going to happen in our lives, but I can’t see me becoming separated from Ryan at any point.

6. What kind of parent are you, or think you will be?

I’m not a parent and I’m honestly not 100% certain that I want to be. I like kids but I’m not great with them, therefore I find it difficult to envision myself as a parent.

7. What is something you’ve never told anyone?

I make up stories in my head.

These stories include fictional people in fictional scenarios who’ve been doing some crazy stuff in my head since I was a kid. Their names, faces, and situations have evolved over the years but the concept is the same. It’s a fantasy world where I go when I’m driving, trying to sleep or doing anything that involves an absence of thought.

In fact, these fantasy worlds have been the basis for many of my started and then abandoned WIP’s. Now that I have my confidence back in regards to writing, I might pick these back up again. Who knows?

8. What do you do when you are alone, and no one is watching you?

I bite my nails. It’s a disgusting habit which I’ve had all my life due to being overly nervous about everything.

9. Are you living a meaningful life?

I don’t know, and even thinking about that puts me on edge. Part of me likes to think she’s changing things and helping people with her writing. The other part calls the first part delusional.

10. What are three things you can’t live without?

My phone, my cat and my partner.

11. What or who inspires you the most?

My followers and other bloggers inspire me. The blogging and mental health community are such a big part of my recovery. They boost my confidence, especially my confidence in my writing. I’ve always loved to write but never had anyone there saying ‘You’re good at this, you should keep doing it‘. No one except my grandmother that is, and in her absence, the community is doing fairly well filling in.

The mental health community inspires me so much because we’re all so brave in sharing our stories. For once I’m including myself in that. I’m brave enough because of all those people who’ve come before me. Without fellow bloggers and mental health advocates, I would have given up months ago.

12. What makes you feel most empowered?

Talking about mental health openly and getting a warm response. Speaking to people about my own mental health and the path it has lead me down really makes me feel empowered.

13. Do you live to work or work to live?

I used to live to work. Now I get up every morning at a set time, sit down and write for a period of time, then move onto working on the blog elsewhere. There is never a moment I’m not working on or thinking about my blog, and I don’t mind any of it. I love what I do now, even if it’s not the best source of income. It’s helping me rebuild myself from the ground up.

14. Do you trust anyone with your life?

My best friend Alex. 110% I would trust him to rescue me from a burning building.

15. Would you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?

Introvert.

16. How would your perfect partner treat you?

I’ve found him already and he treats me well for the most part. He’s helping me so much by just being here, and by encouraging me to keep going.

17. How do you relax and recharge?

I watch Netflix, play video games or create something i.e a painting for the house, or something digital for the blog.

18. What is something you’d like to do or achieve before you die?

I want to publish a book, even if it’s just a small one.

19. What offends you?

When people assume that I’m better just because I’ve started to put on weight. Eating disorders are about so much more than just that.

20. Have you ever been a smoker?

Yes but haven’t had once since February 2020. I’d kill for one though!

21. What kind of drunk are you?

I’m either a crying drunk or a happy drunk; There is no in-between.

22. What are your biggest pet peeves?

Unempatheic people. If people clearly don’t show any emotional intelligence or choose to ignore it and be rude then it really gets to me. There’s nothing wrong with showing a little sympathy for someone, even if you don’t care. Act like you do!

23. What is something you hate about yourself?

My mind and how it works. I hate the fact that I have the ability to make myself feel worse than anyone else can.

24. What do you love about yourself?

I have quite a few things I do like about myself. You can check them out here:

5 Things I like About Myself.

25. What are your biggest insecurities?

I’m very insecure about the fact that I’m twenty-seven and only employed part-time. Because I’m not bringing in that much of an income I see myself as less of a person. This is the first time where I’ve had to depend on other people to help me out and it’s embarrassing, especially as I’ve been so independent for a large portion of my life.

26. In another life, what would you want to be?

Mentally well, confident and happy.

27. Could you live without the internet?

No.

28. Do you have any tattoo’s or piercings? What do you have?

• Left thigh
• Stomach
• Right shoulder blade
• Two at each elbow.

My ears are the only things that are currently pierced with two in each. I used to have one piercing at the top of both my ears and a lip piercing, but these have since been retired.

29. Do you wish you could change your past?

I wish I could change my field of study to something in psychiatry or counseling.

30. What is your guilty pleasure?

At the moment it’s watching drama videos on youtube.

31. What are you afraid of?

Failure. (And spiders. But mostly failure).

32. If you could change anything about your life, what would it be?

I would be more confident, self-assured and assertive.

33. Would you consider yourself happy?

Not really. I’m not sad either but I’m certainly not happy.

34. Tell us about your first kiss.

It was with my first real boyfriend when I was fourteen. He walked me home, and just as I was about to leave, he very romantically pulled me in for a kiss. There was nothing more to it except I rang my best friend at the time straight afterward.

Incidentally, we’re still friends now.

35. Tell us about your first time.

This is a PG site. PG-13 at most. I’m not going to reduce my website to smut by describing my first time, as awful as it was.

36. Tell us about your first crush.

Celebrity or non-celebrity? If it’s the former, then I was in love with Billie-Joe Armstrong from Green Day and Ville Valo from HIM for years! However, if it’s the latter it’s rather boring because my first crush was my first boyfriend.

37. Tell us about your first celebrity crush.

See above. I’m not repeating myself.

38. Tell us about your first date.

I honestly can’t remember. This is where you learn that a lot of my childhood and teenage years have been blocked out.

39. Tell us about your first relationship.

Again, he was my first boyfriend. We were young and hung out together a lot. He was my first kiss and non-celeb crush. We went to the cinema and he rang me later the same day to break up with me three months in. It hurt me so bad that it felt like the world was ending, which is silly looking back but was obviously very real at the time.

As a result, I’ve been the one to break up every relationship since.

40. Your last relationship: good or bad?

Bad. I was too young, he was five years older than me. It just wasn’t a good mix.

41. Your last email?

My last email was received from HR in my workplace about COVID-19.

42. The last song you listened to?

Run Boy Run by Woodkid.

43. The last thing you watched on Netflix?

Community! I love this show so much and I can’t tell you how often I’ve re-watched it!

44. The last time you cried?

Last week after weighing myself. Needless to say I’ll be avoiding that again.

45. The last blog you read?

“Why it’s okay to break your usual self-care Sunday routine.” – Do Five Things A Day (Redirectlife).

46. Have you ever gotten back with an ex?

Never.

47. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yes.

48. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Never.

49. Have you ever met someone who changed you?

I met this counselor once when I was in my early twenties. He was amazing, caring, compassionate and very wise. It was him who first made me consider a job as a therapist, however, I sadly decided to go against that voice in hopes of making my parents proud.

50. Have you ever kissed someone you wish you hadn’t?

Definitely and most likely while drinking.

51. Have you ever had your heart broken?

My heart was broken for the first time when I was fourteen after my first break up.

Lately, my heart has been broken on numerous occasions, not least of all by the death of my grandmother. I don’t think my heart will ever be the same again after that.

52. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

I’m sure I have.

53. Have you ever kissed someone on the first date?

I’ve kissed people before ever even going on a date. My current partner included.

54. Have you ever had sex with someone on the first date?

Never. Not because I’m opposed to it, just because I’ve never had the opportunity.

55. Do you believe in God?

I don’t know. It’s a touchy subject with me.

56. Do you believe in yourself?

No. I still struggle to believe in myself and my abilities, but the blogging community has certainly helped kick start my journey towards that.

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

I believe in spirits. Both the drinking and the haunting kind.

58. Do you believe in aliens?

Yes and no? The freak me out.

59. Do you believe in fate?

Somewhat. I believe that whatever is meant for you won’t go by you.

60. Do you believe in the law of attraction?

Yes. I’m trying to implement it more and more each day but I’m still learning the concept behind it.

61. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No. I think you need to get to know a person before you can truly fall in love.

62. Do you believe in true love?

If you’re asking me if I believe that everyone has ‘the one‘ out there waiting for them, then no. Human’s aren’t meant to live alone for extended periods of time, therefore I believe that there are many ‘ones‘ out there for every individual. You can fall in love as many times as needed and each one of those people could be a possible ‘one’ for you.

63. Do you believe in gender equality?

Of course! Men and women should be as equal as possible.

64. Are you pro-life or pro-choice?

I am 100% pro-choice. Personally speaking, I could never morally have an abortion unless there was something wrong with the child that would mean suffering after birth. Women who do choose to have abortions, for whatever reason, have a right to do so.

You don’t know what that woman is going through, the nature of the child’s conception, or any other circumstances that might be surrounding it. I understand that this is a very touchy subject however, my standpoint is a woman has a right to choose and we should be mindful to respect that.

65. Do you believe in heaven/that there is peace afterlife?

I’m not sure. I desperately wanted to believe after my grandparents passed because I want to see them again, but I just can’t commit to the thought.

66. What makes you angry about your country?

• Northern Ireland had no government active in Stormont in over 2.5 years, yet MP’s still received their salary.
• Women can not receive medical abortions under any circumstances.
• Animal rights aren’t taken seriously enough. The majority of abusers only ever get suspended sentences and mediocre fines in relation to the charges.
• Sectarianism is still rampant here and it’s not going to go away any time soon. I won’t get into it because I could write a book on how self-destructive this country is.

67. What is your opinion on ‘Love is Love’?

It doesn’t matter about your sexuality; Love is love and that’s the end of it. Obviously, if you were inappropriately ‘in love‘ then there’s an issue, but in normal circumstances, a woman can love another woman and it shouldn’t be an international debate.

68. What is your opinion on haters/trolls?

Why are they here? Do they have nothing better to do with their time?

69. What are some challenges you think the next generation will have to face?

• Inequality.
• Climate change.
• Over-sensitivity. By which I mean that the world is becoming PC about stupid things that really shouldn’t matter.
• Burnout and chronic stress caused by overworking in order to make a living. In turn, this will cause a distinct rise in absenteeism, mental illness, chronic illness and even an increase in stress-related death.

70. What type of blogger are you in 3 words?

Organised, motivated and passionate.

71. What do you love about the blogging world/community?

I love the support and confidence boost it’s given me. I’ve always been a writer, but never really aired my writing to the world until now. The response I’ve gotten has really given me a boost that I needed so badly in my life. I can finally begin to believe in myself and my own abilities in doing something that I love.

72. What do you hate about the blogging world/community?

Jealousy. What I mean by this is bloggers should be supporting each other. Share your pal’s article, read and comment as often as you can and then pass it around. Simple things like this help others out, and just because you do that doesn’t mean attention will be taken away from your blog.

Pay it forward as much as you can guys!

73. What challenges and negativity do bloggers face?

Personally speaking, I think as bloggers we accept that people assume that you mess about at home. So many times I’ve been accused of lying at home and doing nothing by my parents since leaving work.

I’m up every day at 6 am, coffee in one hand and breakfast in the other, ready to spend my day working on the blog. I call it work, despite the fact that I’m not getting paid because if I don’t take myself seriously, who else will?

We risk being singled out as the lazy, unemployed who does a bit of writing every so often. In reality the majority of bloggers I know work hard at it as a side hustle, while others use it as a full-time income. If you take it seriously, it’s not just for the fun, it’s to try and do something passionate with your life rather than the modern rat race.

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This was an interesting journey. I realise quite a few controversial things were discussed within this post. Please know that this is all a matter of opinion, and if yours happens to differ from mine; That’s fine.

** If you like what I do please consider donating to my Ko-Fi fund. I’d like to be able to reach more of an audience so I can potentially grow this blog to be much more than it currently is. I also hope to bring freebies and eventually toolkits to you all as a way of saying thank you for your support.