Fat
Noun
- a natural oily substance occurring in animal bodies, especially when deposited as a layer under the skin or around certain organs.
- any of a group of natural esters of glycerol and various fatty acids, which are solid at room temperature and are the main constituents of animal and vegetable fat.
Adjective
- (of a person or animal) having a large amount of excess flesh.
- large in bulk or circumference.
Verb
- make or become fat.
I’m sorry to be using the age old ‘Collins dictionary describes so-and-so as…’ trick but it was bound to happen eventually. That and I think it’s quite helpful in this instance to learn what exactly fat is.
Because no where in the above do I see the words ‘Fat is a feeling / emotion‘. This notion of feeling fat has developed as a part of our modern culture. We, somehow, have gotten our wires crossed and labelled our misunderstood emotions as us feeling fat.
For most people it’s a case of associating ‘feeling fat’ as being a negative. When someone says ‘I feel fat’ what they really mean to say is ‘I feel unworthy/ I feel unloved/ I feel frustrated‘. Not only is fat not described as an emotion in the dictionary but none of the above are synonymous with it. Not even the word ‘negative‘ is any way related to fat.
All these negative associations have been made starting with our current society where fat phobia and body shaming is still at large despite all the advocacy behind them. We are being taught that fat = unhealthy, lazy, ugly etc.
‘Feeling thin‘, however, is being used when are feeling happy, loved, successful, worthy, pretty, handsome etc. We’re associating all these positive emotions with a word that means ‘having little, or too little, flesh or fat on the body‘.
Can you see where I am going with this?
When people say ‘I feel fat‘ they rarely take time to think ‘What am I actually feeling‘? Me included. Yes even in recovery I frequently use this phrase and rarely stop to think about what is going on in my head or my heart. It’s a result of years of misunderstanding my negative feelings and mislabeling myself as feeling fat because of them. But the good thing is that years of poor communication between myself and my emotions can be fixed with much determination, will power and openness to change.
When I say ‘I feel fat’ I am placing a emphasis on the fact that my weight and appearance dictate how I’m allowed to feel. If I feel like this then I must feel terrible for the rest of the day. End of. No take backs.
For many with disordered eating habits and poor body image there is a lot of guilt and shame being stowed away. We’re ashamed for many reasons; for over eating, for under eating, for gaining weight, for being off work due to illness, for crying, for not crying etc. I could write a whole novel on the reasons why I am ashamed or guilty, and some would contradict each other. That’s just how eating disorders are. They don’t make any sense.
If I gain weight I feel an intense amount of shame. I feel unlovable and unworthy and like a fraud. Like I was never sick in the first place. But I wouldn’t any of that, I would say ‘I feel fat‘ because it’s easier than diving into what I actually feel. I prefer to blame my body and weight instead of dragging up all the negative emotions bubbling below.
There are so many emotions for us to choose from (both positive and negative) so to use ‘Fat’ & ‘thin‘ as a substitute for actually tapping into what we feel is just lazy. Instead of taking the time to think about what it is we are actually experiencing and working through it, we throw those feelings into a two boxes, close the lids and slap a label on them. If we actually sat down with ourselves and had a conversation we might come to some realizations and make some chances to better help us through the day.
Above is the be all and end all of emotional intelligence. From day one in therapy I was told to take a photo of this wheel and look at it whenever I don’t know what the hell I am feeling.
I’ve had it on my phone ever since and use it on days when I feel ‘fat‘ or ‘like shit‘. It’s hard to determine what it is that you are feeling, especially if you have never taken the time to do it before and, instead, opted for unhealthy coping skills, but it’s an essential part of learning to be emotionally intelligent.
♦♥♣
Remember this; Fat is a noun, adjective or verb to describe mass or a group on the food pyramid which, although small, we need in order to survive. It is not, above all else, a feeling.
Love the emotional and feeling wheel. I’ve never seen anything like that before and it really makes me take another look at my emotions.
Thank you for reading. The emotions wheel can be so hard to understand and get your head around, but I really recommend that you keep it on your phone to use when you don’t know what you are feeling 🙂
Very thought provoking! I totally agree with you too!!
Thank you for reading 😀
The wheel is brilliant. Great post x
I love this point, especially with appearance; really what we’re doing is hiding an underlying need, cause, or emotion. Addressing the physical rather than emotional is easier to deal with and easier to push off as “superficial” if the response you receive is negative. At the same time, it both creates a barrier between you and others AND makes others more comfortable when addressing issues. It’s easier for you (and them) to address “feeling fat” rather than anything involving sadness, anger, or fear. Well written and insightful, girl, thanks for sharing!
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment 🙂 Much appreciated. X
Very true! I use to find myself saying this from time to time after gorging on sweets or other junk food!
YES i agree. The way you speak about yourself is so important and we should not encourage negative self talk!
Amazing post. Something I’ve never considered before. I’ve definitely said “I feel fat” before, I won’t lie. But I’ve never really thought about how I feel or what I’m saying. I love that emotions wheel too – I might save that to refer back to! Very insightful post, thank you for sharing and giving me something to think about and ensure I don’t do again!
Jenny in Neverland
Thank you for taking the time to read love 🙂 x
Love this. Love the emotional wheel– and really that is so useful for all moments when we want to perform self-sabotage instead of looking at what we’re really feeling and allowing ourselves to feel it. Fat is not a feeling. I love the saying– Fat is something you have. Not who you are. You have fingernails but you are not fingernails. Great post.
Thank you for reading Chloe. 🙂 I really appreciate you taking the time to have a look at my blog and reading my posts.
This is a great post, I hadn’t even thought about this before. I’ve definitely said many times before that I feel fat, but it didn’t really hit me that it isn’t actually an emotion. Like you have said, it’s been made into such a negative word in this day and age, I’m not even sure it’s possible to change that now either!
Chloe xx
http://www.chloechats,com
Thank you for reading Chloe. 🙂 x
Love this wheel and I love that this post points out how society has driven that ‘fat’ phobia that is negative and harmful
If I had a £ for everytime I’ve said ‘I feel fat’ over the last 35+ years, I would be rich! That wheel is fab and you don’t realise how many different emotions there are that we can be feeling. 🙂
Sarah 🌺 || Boxnip
Thank you for reading and leaving me a comment. I still say ‘I feel Fat’ even though I know with good faith that it has nothing to do with me feeling fat at all, and all to do with me feeling sad / angry etc.
– Nyxie
This is an amazing & thought provoking post! I love the emotion wheel. I have always said I feel fat. Even in the midst of my eating disorder and I had to buy clothes in the children’s department I would still say that. I never stopped to think about what’s going on inside of my mind. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for reading. I still catch myself saying ‘I feel fat’ but I have to remind myself of this post, and how I can’t be a hypocrite to it. I think we have just been trained all our lives that fat is a feeling and we should use it to describe ourselves, but what we are only now starting to realise is that fat is nothing more than cells and words on a page. It does not define us as people and it certainly isn’t even on the same spectrum as emotions.