How do we gain and maintain confidence in recovery?
My confidence is practically non-existent. Or at least it was prior to beginning this blog. I have issues in reminding myself of how hard I work because my bank account doesn’t reflect it. It’s a sad but true reality that all too often we’re caught up with the digits on our payslips.
Gaining confidence in myself is the first step to gaining confidence in recovery. Not only that but it also depends on my readiness and willingness to participate.
There are thought to be four different ways to help shape our confidence in recovery.
This comes when you’re successful in adopting a behavior that you deem as being difficult. For example; In regards to Anorexia recovery, this could be managing to eat three meals a day, or conquering a fear food.
The more you succeed in mastering certain behaviors (or letting go of bad habits) the more your confidence builds.
Think of it in regards to schoolwork. If you hand in an assignment you’re concerned about, and you manage a good grade, then your confidence will increase in that area. The same goes for recovery.
It’s natural that success builds confidence while failure undermines it. As someone who struggles with Anorexia, I’m not overly familiar with the sense of success and mastery. My obsession with weight has always given me a sense of failure. I can’t control myself and be Xkg, so I’m a failure. Even when I’m competent in other areas of my life the failure of Anorexia overshadows it leading me to believe I’m incompetent. As a result, I’ve been left with low self-esteem, one which needs to be built up again through successes.
Once this success begins in recovery the rest can follow.
This is built through experiences and observations of another person’s actions. If you see other people of a similar demographic, social status and in a similar situation to yours achieve recovery, it allows you to see that it is possible.
You feel that if they can do it then so can I.
This can also work against your confidence. Watching someone succeed and recover while you feel like every step is a struggle can be very disheartening.
Remember; Chances are they were once in the same position as you!
As someone who is in recovery and frequently blogs about my experiences, I try to be as real as possible without being triggering. I want you all to know I’m human, I fall down and I sometimes don’t feel like getting up. I aim to be a realistic and human exception, not a machine.
Remember the above if you also blog about your own recovery experience. You don’t have to be a recovery guru who has never relapsed, eats every meal, doesn’t cry every day and has given up coffee and cigarettes. Perfect is not obtainable; human is.
It’s not that hard to imagine. If someone tells you that you’re doing well and that they’re proud of you, then chances are you’ll feel reassured that you’re doing something right.
BUT this is not as important as self-persuasion.
It’s up to ourselves to replace negative mantras with positive ones. That’s where daily gratitude comes in. Every day remember to write down what you’re thankful for, and what you admire about yourself.
This is all about positive mental states such as being relaxed, well-rested, warm, loved, excited, etc. These are all states that make us feel comfortable and, in a sense, better. Satisfied would usually come in there but I know that sometimes the feeling of being satisfied can make us feel negative. We need to challenge that!
Feeling satisfied in regards to our hunger levels need to be switched to the positive mental state rather than the negative (along with tired, cold and tense).
This is something that will naturally come along with recovery.
From being tangled in the grasp of Anorexia, I’ve lost touch with my own self-identity. Although letting go of the eating disorder often feels like I’m letting go of a part of myself, the truth is;
It was never part of me to begin with.
Anorexia was, and is, a parasite feeding off me; It doesn’t belong anywhere in my mind, on my body or within my soul. By holding onto the negative thoughts and emotions it increases the chances of relapse in the future.
Cheering myself ourselves on is no small feat. I’m still finding out who I am as a person, and how to root for myself. With practice, time and determination I know it’s only a matter of time before I get there.
If people ask about your recovery or your illness don’t be afraid to tell them. You don’t need to be embarrassed or hide from anyone.
I’m still learning to say this word when I mean it. For years I’ve been a chronic people pleaser. This meant than when asked to do something, even if it compromised my me, I felt like I had to say yes. I didn’t want to be on the other end of their disappointment so badly that I would take on more and more until it was counterproductive.
Saying yes all the time can lead to added pressure to take on more and more tasks until we’re overflowing. Look after yourself and your own needs first.
When people hurt you or break your trust it’s not your fault despite what you think. If someone is challenging you and your opinion; hold fast and don’t back down. You’ve as much right to your opinion, your emotions and your trust as anyone else does. Don’t let anyone away with anything or you’ll soon begin to feel like a doormat.
I still struggle with this to a great extent. Confidence and being assertive (not aggressive) have always been very difficult to me, but I’m learning and trying to change that as best I can.
The people who are supportive to you and matter are key. They’re the ones who’ll be there for you in your darkest hours (and if they aren’t then they aren’t your people, sorry). Spending time with them means no apologies, being honest and nothing but support all round.
Relax, read a book, paint, watch a good show on Netflix, go to the movies, etc. Whatever makes you happy and content go for it. Life is too short not to have fun.
Check out 11 Self-Care Tips for bad days.
Don’t expect it to happen overnight, don’t even expect it to happen by the end of the week. The road only unfolds for us in we put in the time and patience.
** If you like what I do please consider donating to my Patreon fund. I’d like to be able to reach more of an audience so I can potentially grow this blog to be much more than it currently is. I also hope to bring freebies and eventually toolkits to you all as a way of saying thank you for your support.
There are several things I have been doing to combat my moody, negative, nocturnal attitude…
World Health and Safety at Work Day is on April 28th. I've been meaning to…
We're approaching week five of lockdown here in the UK, and by now the majority…
When it comes to mental illness, specifically Anorexia Nervosa, there are various unhealthy rituals to…
We don't always have to talk about mental health. Sometimes it's just nice to answer…
This website uses cookies.
View Comments
This is such a great post. A lot of articles talk about the "dangers" of eating disorders, and as someone with ED-NOS - walking away from that relationship I had with my eating disorder as well as trying to figure out that next step was a year long struggle for me. I didn't know what I didn't know. Thank you for sharing your gifts and writing about this almost unspoken subject.
I'm still very much in the gaining confidence part of recovery. Not just that I can beat this fully and completely (not ending up in quasi-recovery) but also gaining confidence in myself. Thank you for sharing your gifts and insight into wellness. I really do enjoy your blog and the layout is so beautiful.
Beautiful article. Thank you for being vulnerable to share your story.
Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment. I appreciate it :)
Great post full of really useless and inspiring tips! Thank you so much for sharing with us.
Alyssa
Thesacredspaceap.com
Thank you so much for read :) I'm glad I could be of some help.
What an inspiring post! so much to learn from this post. Thanks.
Thankyou for sharing your story with us, you are so inspiring your story and tips will help so many other people who are struggling through eating disorders. Great post x
Thank you so much for reading pet. x
I'm in the same boat with working so hard and not having my bank account or much else to show for it. I wish this post had been there at the peak of my ED, but I'm glad it's out to help other people now
Ash | https://thisdreamsalive.com
Thank you so much pet. I'm glad to know this is helping people. x
Thank you for sharing. These are all really important points for many different kinds of hardships in life. I pray that you continue well on the road to recovery and that you are able to reach many others with your message of healing.
Thank you so much for stopping in and reading. I really appreciate it.
Hi Nyxie, this was a really interesting and helpful read! I've recovered from an ED and I'm planning on writing about it in the future, so I'm going to be bearing in mind what you said about not having to be "a recovery guru who has never relapsed, eats every meal, doesn’t cry every day and has given up coffee and cigarettes". Being real and relatable is so much more powerful than being "perfect". Thank you for sharing with honesty <3
Thank you so much for reading. I can't wait to read what you have to say and about your take on things. Being real and relatable is the way to go because people don't want to hear some fabricated BS. The best thing you can do is be real and true to you.
Congratulations on recovery! You're living proof that it exists!
Amazing trips, talking about it sometimes what people have difficulty with doing it. Thank you for sharing these tips.
Thank you so much for reading :)
Great post! You're so inspiring! I was really struggling with ED behaviors creeping back in last month.
Thanks for the post!
Kenna- Lifeoflilyblog.com
Sending you lots of love. I hope you manage to catch them out before they take hold, pet. Look after yourself.